Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
