I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
