As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
