Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
