Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
