yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
