pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
