Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize