To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
