Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
