I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
