this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I did not marry a roomba.
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