I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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