I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
