So drunk its hurt
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
