careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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