the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
