Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
