my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
