; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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