I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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