I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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