my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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