well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
