yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize