im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
