You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i have two assholes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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