I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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