You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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