so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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