I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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