is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
