She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
