I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
