we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
