I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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