6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
