puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
