just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
