just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You smell like stripper and shame
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
