Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
