I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
