yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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