I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
