Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
