i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish i was in the wii world.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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