THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
