suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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