his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
