she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize