We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just cropdusted the office
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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