he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
