Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
