I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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