Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
