you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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