Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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