I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
