I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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