My nipple is on Facebook.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
