I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
