Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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