Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize