Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this just has baby written all over it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
