I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
