i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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