yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
