Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
