can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
