There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
