There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
