apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
