Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
