I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
