so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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