If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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