You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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