So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
