I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
