I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
